Do you remember signing yearbooks as a kid? All those carefully scrawled entreaties to, “Stay sweet,” or be BFFs even after what seemed like an endless summer? The promises to “K.I.T.”? The home telephone numbers printed as insurance against losing touch? (Oh how cell phones have changed things for our own children!)
We’ve grown up since then. We’ve moved away for school, pursued different careers, moved again, and started families. But that drive for connection remains just as strong.
AS MOMS ESPECIALLY WE RELY
ON THAT VILLAGE
We're looking for advice and validations as we pluck our way through sleep schedules, toddler tantrums. School days, and eventually, the teenage years.Who better to fall back on than our closest friends, whether they’re lifelong pals or people you just feel like you’ve known forever?
Don’t get me wrong. Motherhood creates all kinds of opportunities to feel conflicted – even when it comes to taking time to do things that are really good for us! As modern moms, we need those friendships more than ever, but motherhood itself — with its ceaseless demands — also makes nurturing our relationships harder than ever. It’s easy to let the weeks slip by before you return that email or make that call. Forget childhood summers. Parenting is the ultimate test of friendship!
But I’m here to make the case that meeting the challenge is worth it.
It is precisely because of those distractions and obligations of our modern lives that we need to take time for the friendships that recharge our batteries, both as human beings and as moms.
Take, for example, one of my best friends, Lisa. I’ve known Lisa since we were little babies. In middle school, she and I decided to enter a contest for Seventeen magazine. The publication was looking for contributions about friendship — an essay, a creative project, anything that highlighted what being a good friend was all about. The prize was a lifetime subscription to Seventeen and $100 for each participant.
Lisa and I had a lot to say on the subject, but instead of writing about our history together, we decided to make a visual representation of our bond. We designed a cardboard gift box with fold-down sides and a ribbon that held it all together. Each side had 3-D photos and drawings picturing our years together in ballet classes, at summer camps, and playing with our siblings in our backyards. Lisa and I painstakingly wrapped it up and shipped it off for review. We didn’t win, but we must have taken a thousand pictures of our creation. We were so proud of our dedication to making our version of the project the best that it could be.
ADULT FRIENDSHIPS ARE, IN MANY WAYS,
A VITAL FORM OF SELF-CARE.
A lot has changed since those days. Now Lisa lives in California and I’m up north. She works from home as an independent consultant, and I’m in the office all day. But our friendship has evolved to grow with the changes in our individual lives. We hosted each other’s first baby showers. We’ve gone to three Justin Timberlake concerts together in the past six years. She's the kind of person I can call if I'm having a rough day (or a rough month), and even if we haven't spoken in months, she knows just what to say.
Geography has separated us in ways that Covid-19 has done for plenty of best friends who live in the same neighborhood. And I think that is actually encouraging. Lisa and I still connect by phone and on social media, and our friendship is proof that the power of connection can transcend distance. The benefits of understanding and being understood, after all, make the effort worth it. Adult friendships are, in many ways, a vital form of self-care.
That’s actually one of the reasons why I designed my online retreat, The Mama Reset Self-Care Retreat (at Home), as something women can do together. It’s a three hour mental getaway allowing you to recenter, recharge and reconnect on what matters most - covering mental, physical and nutritional wellness. Taking time for ourselves is crucial, but doing it alongside other women you respect and love can amplify the empowerment factor (and can make it more fun!).
So I encourage you to look at your own circle and reach out in a way that honors your particular circumstances. Host a virtual happy hour or brunch with your besties. Take a distanced yoga class with your squad, or simply enjoy a glass of wine on the porch with another friend. The chance to connect, talk, and laugh is exactly what this doctor ordered.
I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.