FEELING TRIGGERED? STOP THE MAMA MELTDOWNS BEFORE THEY START.

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PUBLICATION DATE:

September 12, 2022

FEELING TRIGGERED? STOP THE MAMA MELTDOWNS BEFORE THEY START.

Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: MOM RAGE

“Mom, I don’t really like these apples. Can I have a different snack?”

That was the moment I lost it. I yelled to everyone who was listening (which was actually no one, honestly), “Does anyone see that I’m trying to work? Do you think I have nothing better to do with my time than to constantly find new ways to feed you tiny humans?”

If I’m being completely transparent, it wasn’t about the snacks. It wasn’t even really about the work. For me, it was a combination of things that created the perfect mom-storm:

I had a really long day at work and still couldn’t complete everything I needed to do at the office, so I had to bring it home. Which made me feel like a bad mom.

One of my daughters was blasting some music to drown out the sounds of my other calming herself down with her emotional support robot (which made me feel like a terrible mom that she needed one in the first place and that I couldn’t help her myself…which is dumb because it helps her SO much.) The loud music from her sister was only making it harder for her to calm down.

I can’t say I was at my best in the moment that I lost control and started shouting into the cupboards while on the search for the perfect snack.

So what can we take away from my “learning experience”? I won’t call it a failure, even though that’s what it would look like to any other observer.

I think we need to realize that as moms, we’re kinda fortune tellers; we can basically predict the future. Think about when your kiddo goes to a sleepover. You know the next day they’re going to need a wide berth and might need some extra patience due to their lack of sleep.

Or how on Tuesdays, you know your husband has back-to-back meetings that last all day and he’s TOAST when he comes home. So you make sure that you have nothing else arranged for that evening.

See? Fortune teller.

Let’s look at how we, as moms, can apply the same thing to our lives:

Make a list of environmental factors that put you on edge.

Go through all of your senses and start to make a list and be as specific as possible. This could include:

Too much noise in the car
Too much clutter on the counters
The feeling of being touched all the time
Hearing your kids fighting
Shoes and backpacks strewn about after school instead of putting them away where they belong

Pay attention to the times that you might be drained already.

It’s going to be different for every person and that doesn’t mean that anyone is a better or worse mom because of it. Grace is the name of the game here.

On the days where it’s a marathon of meetings
When you’re about to start your period
When your mother-in-law is visiting
When you haven’t had enough sleep

Take note about what situations might trigger you emotionally.

This one is harder because it’s not as easy to pinpoint when it happens. It’s usually a couple of layers deep.

When your kids don’t have clean socks for school in the morning, which makes you feel like you aren’t doing enough.
When you run out of your kids’ favorite snacks, which reminds you of the times when money was really tight.

Lastly, take a look at when your kids might need some extra grace.

They’re going to have harder days, just like us.

When they’ve had friends over and are overstimulated
After screen time is over
First thing in the morning
When they’re hungry

When you combine things from more than one of those categories, that’s when the action usually happens. But if you’re being really observant and paying attention to the signs beforehand, you might be able to calm the situation before it starts.

If we go back to the snack request heard ‘round the world, I could have seen it coming:

I was already depleted from work.
There was SO much noise happening.
Mom guilt. Enough said.
Big emotions from my kid.

I already knew that each of those separately would hit me hard and I wouldn’t be at my best. But I wasn’t prepared to handle all of them at once.

Had I given myself a few extra minutes in the driveway to give myself some breathing room before I went in, my fuse wouldn’t have been as short. If I had walked into my daughter’s room to ask if we could shut the door, there probably wouldn’t have been a chain reaction.

But I didn’t do those things because, at the time, I wasn’t aware of the things that could be triggering me. I just assumed everything was the worst.

But when you’re aware of all the deposits and withdrawals that are happening with your emotions and energy, you’re going to be so much more prepared to take on the things as they come.

We talk a lot about how to manage all of this as working moms in the Modern Mamas Club App! Join us by downloading the app today.

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REAL-TALK ABOUT KIDS' SLEEP (AND WHY ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL ADVICE DOESN'T WORK)

By asterbenc • July 29, 2025

About the Episode: In this eye-opening episode of the Modern Mommy Doc podcast, Dr. Whitney Casares sits down with child sleep experts Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale—two clinical psychologists and co-authors of The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep: A Tired Caregiver’s Workbook for Every Age and Stage (written with Dr. Shelby Harris) . Together, they break down the myths, shame, and unrealistic expectations that surround slee p training and offer compassionate, evidence-based advice that actually meets parents where they are. This episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself, throw out the cookie-cutter advice, and start working with your child’s unique temperament, challenges, and developmental stage—whether that means defiant toddlers, anxious middle-schoolers, or non-sleeping newborns. About Our Guests: Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale are licensed clinical psychologists and moms who specialize in child and adolescent mental health. Together with co-author Dr. Shelby Harris, they created The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep to give exhausted parents the tools to support their kids’ sleep with confidence, flexibility, and empathy. Their approach is grounded in science—and shaped by real-life parenting. Follow them on Instagram: @essentialkidssleep Key Takeaways: Why this sleep book is different It’s written by clinical psychologists, not influencers—and it combines science, flexibility, and real-world parenting experience. How your child’s daytime behavior impacts nighttime sleep From anxious kids to defiant or ADHD children, the team explains why your child’s personality and emotional regulation during the day matters more than you think at bedtime. The truth about sleep “milestones” You’ll learn why your two-week-old shouldn’t be sleeping through the night, why “wake windows” are often misused, and why transitioning to a toddler bed before age 3 might be setting everyone up to fail. The importance of timing and readiness Parents don’t have to sleep train when they’re already overwhelmed. These experts offer a refreshing take on how to assess if now is the right time—and how to set up for success. What works for toddlers (and what doesn’t) You’ll hear how techniques like the “break method” and “camping out” can be adapted based on your child’s age and developmental stage. How to support anxious or defiant older kids at bedtime The language we use matters. For anxious kids, it's all about reducing pressure and focusing on rest. For defiant or ADHD kids, clear expectations and behavior-based plans are key. The shame-free approach every tired caregiver needs Sleep doesn’t have to be a battleground—or a place for guilt. These authors bring compassion and practicality to every step of the process. 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. L eave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.