In this episode, Dr. Whitney explains different types of boundaries that we can create in our lives, three reasons why women have a harder time creating and keeping healthy boundaries, and three ways to build the skill of boundary building.
Key takeaways:
- There’s often two ends of the spectrum when it comes to unhealthy boundaries: porous boundaries where you let people walk all over you and rigid boundaries, where you’re always the one setting the very strict restrictions.
- Examples of different types of boundaries:
- Time: how much of my time will I commit to giving you?
- Physical: I don’t feel comfortable with you touching me that way.
- Emotional: I’m not going to let you make me feel that way.
- Self: I’m going to choose to pay attention to my own emotions, not get invested in everyone else’s all the time
- We have to get to a point where we’re truly desiring healthy boundaries for ourselves and our families and caring less about others’ reactions to those boundaries.
- Three reasons we, as women, have a harder time holding healthy boundaries for ourselves:
- The way we were trained as girls when we were growing up teaches us to accommodate everyone else so we don’t rock the boat. We’re told that personal relationships, and the emotional status within them, are more important than how you feel.
- Women are taking on the overwhelming majority of the physical, emotional, and mental tasks that it requires to run a home and manage a family. And then we let that spill over to our work tasks as well. We constantly feel like we have to put other people’s needs before our own.
- We have no idea who we are. Which leads us to wonder if we even know what we want out of life–which naturally allows soft boundaries to come into play because you can’t create a boundary around something that you don’t even know how you feel about it. And the way out of that is pretty easy:
Have a centered vision for your life (know what you want!) You have to decide if you’re worthy of having a fulfilling life.
Build body-awareness. What do you feel when you aren’t holding your boundaries? What are you noticing in your body when a boundary is crossed? When you’re able to pay attention to that, you’re much more able to recognize that it’s happening and really start to hold your own boundaries.
Don’t try to do this by yourself. Surround yourself with people who want the same things as you. A therapist, a parenting coach, other women who are wanting to head in the same direction as you. One of our favorite places to see this happening is in our Modern Mamas Club !
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About the Episode: In this eye-opening episode of the Modern Mommy Doc podcast, Dr. Whitney Casares sits down with child sleep experts Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale—two clinical psychologists and co-authors of The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep: A Tired Caregiver’s Workbook for Every Age and Stage (written with Dr. Shelby Harris) . Together, they break down the myths, shame, and unrealistic expectations that surround slee p training and offer compassionate, evidence-based advice that actually meets parents where they are. This episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself, throw out the cookie-cutter advice, and start working with your child’s unique temperament, challenges, and developmental stage—whether that means defiant toddlers, anxious middle-schoolers, or non-sleeping newborns. About Our Guests: Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale are licensed clinical psychologists and moms who specialize in child and adolescent mental health. Together with co-author Dr. Shelby Harris, they created The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep to give exhausted parents the tools to support their kids’ sleep with confidence, flexibility, and empathy. Their approach is grounded in science—and shaped by real-life parenting. Follow them on Instagram: @essentialkidssleep Key Takeaways: Why this sleep book is different It’s written by clinical psychologists, not influencers—and it combines science, flexibility, and real-world parenting experience. How your child’s daytime behavior impacts nighttime sleep From anxious kids to defiant or ADHD children, the team explains why your child’s personality and emotional regulation during the day matters more than you think at bedtime. The truth about sleep “milestones” You’ll learn why your two-week-old shouldn’t be sleeping through the night, why “wake windows” are often misused, and why transitioning to a toddler bed before age 3 might be setting everyone up to fail. The importance of timing and readiness Parents don’t have to sleep train when they’re already overwhelmed. These experts offer a refreshing take on how to assess if now is the right time—and how to set up for success. What works for toddlers (and what doesn’t) You’ll hear how techniques like the “break method” and “camping out” can be adapted based on your child’s age and developmental stage. How to support anxious or defiant older kids at bedtime The language we use matters. For anxious kids, it's all about reducing pressure and focusing on rest. For defiant or ADHD kids, clear expectations and behavior-based plans are key. The shame-free approach every tired caregiver needs Sleep doesn’t have to be a battleground—or a place for guilt. These authors bring compassion and practicality to every step of the process. 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. L eave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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