Scrolling through insta on the last few weeks of August and the first weeks of September, you’d think that every kid in America is jazzed out of their mind to go back to school. You’ll see smiling faces in new outfits with their fresh new haircuts and backpacks. You’ll see piping hot breakfasts ready to start the year off with a bang.
And it’s all a lie.
Well most of it.
I’m sure there are kids who ARE really excited about school. The ones who really do enjoy finding out who their new teacher is and can’t wait to see what friends are in their classes.
But for other kids, none of that is exciting. Some kids will fight you tooth and nail about going back to school. They think teachers are boring, classmates are the worst, and they just hate everything about it. Some kids will have a harder time with transitions (typical kids can struggle with this too!) or get overwhelmed with all the newness, even if they’re a seasoned school-goer.
I want to give you permission, mama, to feel all the feelings when it comes to kids not being excited about school.
It can be really discouraging if you’re wanting to celebrate the start of a new year and your kid is a stage 5 clinger at drop off. It’s normal to feel disappointed when no one likes the breakfast you slaved over to commemorate the first day. It’s even totally okay to feel angry that they just don’t care about all the money you spent on new clothes and want to wear the same t-shirt from last year that’s two sizes too small.
Just as you have permission to feel all the feels, your kiddos need that permission from you too. You need to let them know that feeling scared about your first day is absolutely normal and okay. That feeling angry when you have to go somewhere when you don’t want to is okay. That feeling really sad because you have to leave Mommy is okay.
Last month, we had plans to celebrate the 4th of July as a family. We were going to this awesome parade downtown where my parents live–the whole town turns out for it! There’s fire trucks, dance teams, and floats that all head down the street throwing candy to all the excited onlookers that cheer them on waving their flags all around. It’s truly spectacular and I was really looking forward to it because it’s one of my favorite celebrations we do as a family.
But one of my kids just couldn’t hang. The weather was too hot, fireworks were too loud, and people were too peopley. And I ended up having to take her home while my husband stayed with my other daughter.
I was really, really disappointed. And when we got home, I just leaned into it. I allowed myself 5 sad songs that I knew were only going to make me cry and I sat in my feelings. My daughter wanted to snuggle, but was also curious about why I was so sad.
I told her that right then I couldn’t really explain it to her (I just knew I was too amped up to be clear or kind), but that I would the next day. So we listened to my sad songs, snuggled, and then watched some shows together. And by the end, I actually felt better, because I gave myself space to process my feelings.
If your expectation of what you think the back to school season does not meet up with your kiddos behavior, or vice versa, that’s okay.
It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel disappointed or angry. But don’t walk away from it without examining WHY you feel that way and what you can learn from it. Or having honest conversations with your kids, not telling them that THEY are the reason you feel that way, but just that you are feeling it.
This gets to be our teaching opportunity to let them know that you get big feelings, just like they do. And that all feelings are allowed. Forever and always. We don’t hide from our feelings, we just recognize that they’re there and pay attention to what they might mean.
I’m never going to be someone who stands up and preaches that you just need to have a positive attitude about something, even when it’s terrible.
That’s toxic positivity and that can be waaaay more damaging than being disappointed about the way that something is going.
When I was upset about missing the parade, I was REALLY upset, because it was about more than just a parade. In that moment, I thought, “This sucks. This day sucks. And I hate that this is our family story.” And it’s okay that I really, truly felt that way in the moment, and allowed myself to lean into it and feel that way.
But I didn’t let myself wallow. I gave myself my 5 sad song limit and told myself that it makes sense that I feel that way in that moment.
When you’re disappointed, reeeeally disappointed about something, have some self-compassion. Know that everything you’re feeling is okay.
But.
Then you GET to decide what your next step is. How long you’re going to sit in those feelings and where you’ll go from there. There’s a lot you don’t get to decide about those kinds of situations.
But your next step, that’s all you, mama.
You've got this!
