Every year, I have several different invitations come my way that are for various fundraisers. You get a ton of them as a doctor, but especially as a pediatrician, we are hit with a looooot. Because there are SO many worthy causes out there involving kids. And I wish I could give, participate, and bring awareness to every single one of them.
And for a long time, it bothered me when I couldn’t. Knowing that there were kids going untreated “because of me” made me sick.
But I’ve come to realize that A) it wouldn’t be financially responsible for me to give to each one. That would be detrimental to my family and our financial health and B) it doesn’t reflect negatively on my character or my worth as a doctor if I only give to those organizations that are closest to my heart and I feel like I can really be useful to.
I wanna talk about the last corner of our Centered Vision (which is a circle…but we’re talking about the things that are outside that, in the box of Life. Confused?
Start here.)
We’ve talked about The Non-Negotiables, The Swappables, The Contaminators, and this week we’re talking about The Heartstrings.
Heartstrings are tasks that are actually important to you, whether it’s because you have to do them or even want to do them, but they still are outside that circle containing your ultimate vision for your life.
These are things like calling your grandparents, making (and then actually going to!) healthcare appointments, and that trip to your in-laws (this might feel more like a Contaminator to you 🤣).
The number one piece of advice I can tell you about how to handle heartstrings is with strong and clear boundaries. Having those in place actually helps protect those relationships and keeps them in a healthy place.
You call your grandma every Sunday at 11am. It’s a time that is usually pretty chill in your house and you know she’s home until 12. You LOVE talking to your grandma. It’s such a sweet hour of your week that really does light you up and you know it’s special to her too.
You’re so grateful that you get that time.
What happens when you find out your cousin actually talks to her a few times a week? Or your mom says that she’d actually love to hear from you more? If you aren’t really careful, it can turn into a competition OR sour the time that normally love.
Having healthy boundaries lets you say, “I really enjoy our Sunday calls so much!” without a hint of guilt. Boundaries allow you to keep looking forward to that time with zero resentment.
What about setting your dentist appointments? How do boundaries affect that? Well you’re actually setting clear boundaries with yourself. When you decide that you can cancel the appointment because you’re too busy at work, you’re speaking into that self-fulfilling prophecy that you aren’t worth taking care of. That all your worth is found in your productivity.
Trips to the in-laws can be/need to be fuuuuuull of healthy boundaries. Going for the amount of days that feel like a blessing and not a burden allows you to really feel like you can be present the entire time. Saying, “We’re so thankful for your hospitality, but we are actually going to stay at a hotel,” allows you to have a space to reset each day so that your entire family gets the best version of you.
Heartstrings are in your life for a reason: they’re important to you. But so is eating cookies. Both things are better when you’ve got really healthy boundaries in place so you can reeeeeally enjoy them.
