This week, Dr. Whitney talks through a personal journey she’s been on throughout her daughter’s process of getting a formal autism diagnosis. For a long time, she’s felt this diagnosis would give her relief from feeling like all that her daughter deals with is her fault. In this episode, she tackles why that’s a damaging way of thinking and how she’s learning to reframe it.
Key takeaways:
- My oldest daughter is neurodivergent, which means her brain is wired differently and thinks differently than most others. This comes out in behaviors like tantrums, becoming overwhelmed easily, lots of anxiety, harder time sleeping, and being “behind” in social skills. We’ve seen just about every specialist under the sun to get a better understanding of just who she is. We’ve decided, now that she’s 8, to get her formally tested for autism and ADHD.
- I realized that, as we were waiting for this formal autism diagnosis, I was feeling that if we got that official word, I would feel relieved. Having that diagnosis would make me feel that her behaviors weren’t my fault…a feeling I was carrying around with me for quite some time. I wondered if I caused the things that she was going through on my PPD and anxiety, me not giving her the right foods, fighting with my husband when she was a baby. I questioned my every choice. I knew intellectually that it wasn’t my fault, but in my heart I couldn’t make it make sense.
- The message you’re telling yourself about being fully responsible for everything “wrong” with your kids is your fault is a lie. Sure, we can influence things and we can help coach and shape our kids. But our kids have genetics and brains of their own and they will be who they are. You are the mom your child was supposed to have.
- Is it your fault you are not the mom you hoped you would be? No. Is it your fault that your kids end up exactly as they will? No. It’s not all on you. Is it your responsibility as a working mom to do the best you can to build awareness of what your needs are? To take steps to put yourself at the center of your life so that you can thrive in the best way possible (given all the circumstances you face) for your family, your kids, and for yourself? YES. If you’re putting in the work to do that, even if you’re not doing it perfectly, then you are doing the only thing that you’re responsible for.
- No matter what my child’s diagnosis ends up being, I’m still the amazing mom I was before we get that official report. And my daughter is still the neurodivergent, differently wired, totally wonderful, totally challenging, totally fantastic kid that she was. And I can say the same for you too.
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About the Episode: In this episode, Dr. Whitney sits down with Dr. Jay Gargus and Dave Justus from NeuroQure to discuss the power of early clarity when it comes to autism detection and why earlier intervention can fundamentally change outcomes for childre n and families. Dr. Gargus explains the science behind early behavioral therapies and why their impact goes far beyond short-term skill-building. Research shows that early, evidence-based interventions can lead to measurable, lifelong improvements in IQ, so cial skills, independence, and educational placement, often determining whether a child can thrive in mainstream education or requires ongoing specialized support. The conversation also tackles a critical and often overlooked issue: access. Dave Justus shares the personal motivation behind NeuroQure’s work and explains why the test is being launched at cost, with installment plans and employer subsidies, while the team works toward insurance coverage. The goal is to prevent families from losing precious years waiting for answers. Together, they emphasize a hopeful message for parents: families don’t need to wait for a future “silver bullet.” We already have therapies that work and getting kids connected to them earlier can change the course of a lifetime. In this episode, we discuss: Why early autism detection leads to lifelong changes—not just short-term gains What a 17-point IQ difference actually means for education, independence, and quality of life How early intervention can shift developmental trajectories as early as 6 months The science and validation behind current autism therapies Why NeuroQure is pricing testing at cost while pursuing insurance coverage How early clarity can reduce long-term strain on families, schools, and healthcare systems This episode is a powerful reminder that timing matters and that early access to answers can make an extraordinary difference for children and the families who love them. About Our Guest: Dr. Jay Gargus, MD, PhD is a physician-scientist and nationally recognized expert in neurodevelopmental disorders, with decades of experience researching the biological underpinnings of autism. His work has focused on translating well-established science into meaningful, real-world interventions that can improve lifelong outcomes for children. Dr. Gargus emphasizes that early, evidence-based therapies are already available—and that connecting families to them sooner can fundamentally change developmental trajectories. Dave Justus is a parent and the founder of NeuroQure, whose work is driven by personal experience navigating delayed autism diagnosis and intervention. Motivated by the belief that early clarity can spare families years of uncertainty, Dave is focused on expanding access to early testing through cost-based pricing and ongoing efforts to secure insurance coverage. His mission is simple but powerful: ensure families don’t have to wait for answers that could change everything. Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Order the Book Order your copy of My One-of-a-Kind Body 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books 🎁 Claim Your Free Bonus When you order on our site, you’ll also get access to a FREE video mini-course with five bite-sized lessons for parents. In just 25 minutes, you’ll walk away with: Simple, script-style ways to respond when your kid says, “I hate my thighs” How to talk about health without weight talk What to do when your own inner critic shows up How to interrupt diet culture at home The first step to raising a body-confident kid, even if you didn’t grow up as one 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. Leave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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