Non-binary parenting isn’t about gender roles or gender affirming care. Dr. Whitney is talking about looking at parenting with a whole new perspective in the way that we deal with conflict with our children as well as how we can develop skills for them now that will create successful adults.
Key takeaways:
- Often in parenting we can look at things in a very binary or black and white way of thinking. A behavior is either good or bad. We look at things in a very solutions-oriented manner. If a child misbehaves, here is your punishment. However, there are some circumstances in which our child’s behavior and our response to them are not cut and dry. This generation has the privilege of figuring out if there is a middle ground that can be reached in our parenting or even our experience as parents.
- We can approach scenarios with our children in a “yes, but” or “yes, and” mindset. “Yes, but” tells us that when our child misbehaves, we might think “that was bad, but I’ve got to do something about it.” “Yes, and” allows us to get to the root of the matter and think, “Yes, that was bad, and there was maybe something going on that affected her behavior.” The consequence might end up being the same, but the perspective as a parent is different as well as your level of exhaustion and burnout.
- This non-binary perspective allows me to see both sides of the coin and to be less reactive and more responsive to my child. It allows me to see that the behavior is not okay, but the emotion behind it is. Remember, we’re not actually trying to solve behavior with our child right now. We are actually trying to teach them resilience and skills that will help them when they get to their adulthood.
- Separating a behavior from an emotion reduces shame in our kids. It tells them that they’re not a bad person but we won’t tolerate the bad behavior. And allows them to feel ALL the feelings that they have instead of just stifling them. It gives them the space to learn from their mistakes.
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About the Episode: In this eye-opening episode of the Modern Mommy Doc podcast, Dr. Whitney Casares sits down with child sleep experts Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale—two clinical psychologists and co-authors of The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep: A Tired Caregiver’s Workbook for Every Age and Stage (written with Dr. Shelby Harris) . Together, they break down the myths, shame, and unrealistic expectations that surround slee p training and offer compassionate, evidence-based advice that actually meets parents where they are. This episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself, throw out the cookie-cutter advice, and start working with your child’s unique temperament, challenges, and developmental stage—whether that means defiant toddlers, anxious middle-schoolers, or non-sleeping newborns. About Our Guests: Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale are licensed clinical psychologists and moms who specialize in child and adolescent mental health. Together with co-author Dr. Shelby Harris, they created The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep to give exhausted parents the tools to support their kids’ sleep with confidence, flexibility, and empathy. Their approach is grounded in science—and shaped by real-life parenting. Follow them on Instagram: @essentialkidssleep Key Takeaways: Why this sleep book is different It’s written by clinical psychologists, not influencers—and it combines science, flexibility, and real-world parenting experience. How your child’s daytime behavior impacts nighttime sleep From anxious kids to defiant or ADHD children, the team explains why your child’s personality and emotional regulation during the day matters more than you think at bedtime. The truth about sleep “milestones” You’ll learn why your two-week-old shouldn’t be sleeping through the night, why “wake windows” are often misused, and why transitioning to a toddler bed before age 3 might be setting everyone up to fail. The importance of timing and readiness Parents don’t have to sleep train when they’re already overwhelmed. These experts offer a refreshing take on how to assess if now is the right time—and how to set up for success. What works for toddlers (and what doesn’t) You’ll hear how techniques like the “break method” and “camping out” can be adapted based on your child’s age and developmental stage. How to support anxious or defiant older kids at bedtime The language we use matters. For anxious kids, it's all about reducing pressure and focusing on rest. For defiant or ADHD kids, clear expectations and behavior-based plans are key. The shame-free approach every tired caregiver needs Sleep doesn’t have to be a battleground—or a place for guilt. These authors bring compassion and practicality to every step of the process. 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. L eave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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