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WORKING MAMA

THE LIES WORKING MOMS BELIEVE: I’VE GOTTA WORK LIKE I’M NOT A PARENT AND PARENT LIKE I DON’T WORK

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

October 4, 2021

THE LIES WORKING MOMS BELIEVE: I’VE GOTTA WORK LIKE I’M NOT A PARENT AND PARENT LIKE I DON’T WORK

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: WORKING MAMA

Have you ever had to take a work phone call when you were at home? They always come at the WORST time. Kids playing (loudly) in the background. Dinner’s boiling over on the stove. Someone’s knocking at the door. And someone’s crying. Someone’s always crying.


But you take a deep breath, tap that button, and answer, “This is Dr. Whitney” as if nothing else is going on. All while waving your arms and snapping your fingers to get your kids’ attention and giving your best “
everybody be quiet or mommy is going to lose her ish when she gets off the phone!” look to your family.


Because how dare your kids play in their own home, right? 


Whyyyyy do we do this to ourselves? And our kids?



THERE’S THIS WEIRD PRESSURE THAT FEELS LIKE YOU CAN’T LET ANYONE IN YOUR WORK BUBBLE KNOW THAT THERE’S EVEN THIS OTHER SIDE TO YOU THAT EXISTS. THEN THEY MIGHT KNOW THAT YOU’RE (GASP) A HUMAN WHO CAN’T TAKE ON EVERYTHING THAT’S ASKED OF HER ALL THE FREAKING TIME WITHOUT A BOUNDARY IN SIGHT.

Same thing on the flip side, right? At home, we take on room mom duties, team mom duties, and set up the most elaborate bedtime routines that must be done every night or else no one sleeps--as if we don’t have any other commitments 40+ hours a week. 


When we work and parent like this, everyone loses. We aren’t giving our best to our kids. And we aren’t giving our best to our jobs. 


When we believe that we have to work like we aren’t a parent and parent like we don’t work, we’re living a life that is haphazard and draining. For everyone. 


The idea that we have to live these two compartmentalized lives is a lie that a lot of working moms are believing today (and is actually encouraged by a ton of employers, which only makes it worse.)


The truth is, you CAN have a life that’s prioritized, aligned, and centered. It IS possible.


But first, you have to develop a framework and this North Star to always point back to. What’s guiding your decisions about work? What are your priorities for your home?


Knowing and naming these allows you to show up as your full self at work AND at home. It also guides you to know when and where it's right for YOU to place more time, energy, and focus toward all the competing areas of your life. So the choice is yours to make, rather than having it made for you.


This is the whole idea behind the Modern Mamas Club. We are a safe, supportive space for like-minded Modern Mamas who dream of having it all, to actually succeed in that dream and lift up other Mamas to do the same. It IS possible to thrive, not just survive in your work life, parent life and YOU life, but you’ve gotta take action.


Come join us over in the Modern Mamas Club (all the cool kids are doing it.) We’ve got an AMAZING community of mamas to support you, a huge video library, live events, monthly challenges, journaling downloads, and about a thousand other things. If you’re ready to live that centered life, come hang with us. Plus, right now, you can even get your first month free!


Check out the Modern Mamas Club!

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By No More Hot Mess Moms May 1, 2025
About the Episode: In this heartfelt and refreshingly honest episode of The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast, Dr. Whitney chats with Brittinie Tran, co-founder of Hot Mess Express — a women-led, volunteer-powered movement helping overwhelmed women declutter their homes and their minds. What started as a one-time cleaning rescue for a postpartum mom turned into a nationwide community of women supporting women — no judgment, no shame, just pure help. Whether your junk drawer is a metaphor or a literal disaster zone, this conversation will make you laugh, cry, and maybe even finally donate that pile of old baby clothes in your garage. Key Takeaways: 1. Asking for help is an act of strength, not weakness. Many women hesitate to reach out for help because they feel ashamed or fear they’ll be judged. Hot Mess Express flips the script by creating a safe, welcoming space where asking for support is seen as a brave and empowered decision. Most nominations come from women nominating themselves — and that’s celebrated. 2. Clutter isn’t just a mess — it’s a mental health issue. Brittinie and her team see firsthand how disorganized spaces reflect emotional overload. Whether it’s postpartum chaos, chronic illness, or simply years of survival mode, physical clutter can represent deeper stress. Decluttering often helps women breathe again — literally and emotionally. 3. Traditional cleaning services often fail to meet women’s real needs. Unlike paid cleaners who might judge, rush, or skip emotional labor, Hot Mess Express volunteers come in with empathy and without agenda. They get into the drawers. They sit beside you and help sort 300 t-shirts if needed. They cheer you on for letting go — or for choosing to keep things. It’s about support, not perfection. 4. Every woman’s story is different — and every mess matters. There’s no “messy enough” threshold. Whether it’s a single cluttered closet or an entire house that hasn’t been functional in years, no request for help is too small or too big. Some women are financially stable but emotionally exhausted. Others are navigating major life transitions without a village. All deserve dignity and support. 5. Real transformation isn’t about spotless houses — it’s about sustainability. The goal isn’t a Pinterest-perfect space. It’s helping women create systems they can maintain. That means customizing organization to how a family actually functions, not how it “should” look. And it means recognizing that life gets messy again — and that’s okay. 6. Moms need community more than ever — and it doesn’t have to cost a thing. Hot Mess Express has grown into more than a volunteer service — it’s a movement. With over 150 chapters and a growing international interest, it’s giving women a way to build local community that’s real, practical, and free. From missions to Mom’s Night Out, it’s about creating the village we’ve all been missing. 7. Shame is the real clutter. Time and again, Brittany sees that the biggest barrier to asking for help is the shame women feel for "letting it get this bad." But Hot Mess Express volunteers bring their own messy lives to the table too — reminding each other that everyone struggles. Everyone has a junk drawer. Everyone has a story. 8. Little actions create big relief. Sometimes it’s the smallest thing — clearing a kitchen counter, donating a bag of toys, making a space to read a book — that makes the biggest impact. Helping someone cook their first family meal in a year or finally take a bath without guilt? That’s life-changing. 9. Helping others helps you too. Volunteers often say they came to help others but left with a full heart, a new community, and the deep reminder that they’re not alone. Showing up for another woman — with a sponge, a trash bag, or just a smile — creates a ripple effect of connection and healing. About Our Guest: Brittinie Tran is the co-founder and national director of Hot Mess Express, a women-led, all-volunteer organization transforming lives through compassionate, judgment-free decluttering and organizing services. What started as a one-time Facebook call for help has grown into a nationwide movement with over 150 chapters in 42 states — and counting. With a heart for service and a passion for creating sustainable systems of support, Brittany helps women reclaim not just their space, but their sense of peace and self-worth. She believes every woman deserves a fresh start — no matter what her home (or her life) looks like. When she’s not coordinating missions or cheering women on as they let go of their clutter (and their shame), Brittinie is building a village — one volunteer, one conversation, and one clean kitchen at a time. 👉 Learn more or get involved at hotmessexpress.co 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. L eave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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ON THE PODCAST


By No More Hot Mess Moms May 1, 2025
About the Episode: In this heartfelt and refreshingly honest episode of The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast, Dr. Whitney chats with Brittinie Tran, co-founder of Hot Mess Express — a women-led, volunteer-powered movement helping overwhelmed women declutter their homes and their minds. What started as a one-time cleaning rescue for a postpartum mom turned into a nationwide community of women supporting women — no judgment, no shame, just pure help. Whether your junk drawer is a metaphor or a literal disaster zone, this conversation will make you laugh, cry, and maybe even finally donate that pile of old baby clothes in your garage. Key Takeaways: 1. Asking for help is an act of strength, not weakness. Many women hesitate to reach out for help because they feel ashamed or fear they’ll be judged. Hot Mess Express flips the script by creating a safe, welcoming space where asking for support is seen as a brave and empowered decision. Most nominations come from women nominating themselves — and that’s celebrated. 2. Clutter isn’t just a mess — it’s a mental health issue. Brittinie and her team see firsthand how disorganized spaces reflect emotional overload. Whether it’s postpartum chaos, chronic illness, or simply years of survival mode, physical clutter can represent deeper stress. Decluttering often helps women breathe again — literally and emotionally. 3. Traditional cleaning services often fail to meet women’s real needs. Unlike paid cleaners who might judge, rush, or skip emotional labor, Hot Mess Express volunteers come in with empathy and without agenda. They get into the drawers. They sit beside you and help sort 300 t-shirts if needed. They cheer you on for letting go — or for choosing to keep things. It’s about support, not perfection. 4. Every woman’s story is different — and every mess matters. There’s no “messy enough” threshold. Whether it’s a single cluttered closet or an entire house that hasn’t been functional in years, no request for help is too small or too big. Some women are financially stable but emotionally exhausted. Others are navigating major life transitions without a village. All deserve dignity and support. 5. Real transformation isn’t about spotless houses — it’s about sustainability. The goal isn’t a Pinterest-perfect space. It’s helping women create systems they can maintain. That means customizing organization to how a family actually functions, not how it “should” look. And it means recognizing that life gets messy again — and that’s okay. 6. Moms need community more than ever — and it doesn’t have to cost a thing. Hot Mess Express has grown into more than a volunteer service — it’s a movement. With over 150 chapters and a growing international interest, it’s giving women a way to build local community that’s real, practical, and free. From missions to Mom’s Night Out, it’s about creating the village we’ve all been missing. 7. Shame is the real clutter. Time and again, Brittany sees that the biggest barrier to asking for help is the shame women feel for "letting it get this bad." But Hot Mess Express volunteers bring their own messy lives to the table too — reminding each other that everyone struggles. Everyone has a junk drawer. Everyone has a story. 8. Little actions create big relief. Sometimes it’s the smallest thing — clearing a kitchen counter, donating a bag of toys, making a space to read a book — that makes the biggest impact. Helping someone cook their first family meal in a year or finally take a bath without guilt? That’s life-changing. 9. Helping others helps you too. Volunteers often say they came to help others but left with a full heart, a new community, and the deep reminder that they’re not alone. Showing up for another woman — with a sponge, a trash bag, or just a smile — creates a ripple effect of connection and healing. About Our Guest: Brittinie Tran is the co-founder and national director of Hot Mess Express, a women-led, all-volunteer organization transforming lives through compassionate, judgment-free decluttering and organizing services. What started as a one-time Facebook call for help has grown into a nationwide movement with over 150 chapters in 42 states — and counting. With a heart for service and a passion for creating sustainable systems of support, Brittany helps women reclaim not just their space, but their sense of peace and self-worth. She believes every woman deserves a fresh start — no matter what her home (or her life) looks like. When she’s not coordinating missions or cheering women on as they let go of their clutter (and their shame), Brittinie is building a village — one volunteer, one conversation, and one clean kitchen at a time. 👉 Learn more or get involved at hotmessexpress.co 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. L eave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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