MMD BLOG


CATEGORY:

MENTAL HEALTH + MOMMY GUILT

PARENTING HACKS FOR NEW MOMS | HOW TO FIGHT BACK AGAINST MOMMY FAILURE FEELINGS

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

August 16, 2018

PARENTING HACKS FOR NEW MOMS | HOW TO FIGHT BACK AGAINST MOMMY FAILURE FEELINGS

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: MENTAL HEALTH + MOMMY GUILT

It didn't take much for me to feel like a mommy failure when I was just starting out on my parenthood journey and I know I'm not alone. The feeling creeps in when we struggle with breastfeeding, when we don’t have all the “right” gear, when we don’t have all the “right” information or when we don't handle every situation perfectly.


One mom in my office put
it so well:


“I handle multi-million dollar sales transactions on a daily basis. I sit in a conference room with other business leaders and can influence their decision-making at the drop of a hat. But getting my toddler to put on her shirt? Somehow, I fail every day at doing that without getting flustered and losing my cool. It’s so demoralizing. I’m scared of what I’ll mess up when she gets older and it really counts.”


Our friends, our parents, social media, our significant others - pressure and guilt can come from all sides, piling on a sense that it’s all or nothing. That good enough is never enough. That only the best will do. That we are mommy failures.



The Real Secret to Successful Parenting:


But the real secret to successful parenting is understanding and dealing with our own personal struggles and pain points, not pretending they don’t exist or acting like, if we just smile a little brighter, others won’t notice our humanity. Going to therapy, or to lactation or to our pediatrician for help. Understanding we are not as in control as we think we are most of the time. That sometimes we do our best and take all the classes and read all the books and IT STILL DOESN’T WORK. Taking a look at our own “weaknesses” and fears – these are the things that really make a difference.



What To Do When You Feel Like a Mommy Failure:


Stop beating yourself up if you don't always feel like you are the parent that you hoped that you would be. None of us are. Try your best. Deal with your own issues head-on, get the help you need to support yourself and give you the parenting tools that will allow you to rise above your most challenging days. Your children will thank you for it when they’re navigating their own parenting insecurities years down the road.


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About the Episode: In this eye-opening episode of the Modern Mommy Doc podcast, Dr. Whitney Casares sits down with child sleep experts Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale—two clinical psychologists and co-authors of The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep: A Tired Caregiver’s Workbook for Every Age and Stage (written with Dr. Shelby Harris) . Together, they break down the myths, shame, and unrealistic expectations that surround slee p training and offer compassionate, evidence-based advice that actually meets parents where they are. This episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself, throw out the cookie-cutter advice, and start working with your child’s unique temperament, challenges, and developmental stage—whether that means defiant toddlers, anxious middle-schoolers, or non-sleeping newborns. About Our Guests: Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale are licensed clinical psychologists and moms who specialize in child and adolescent mental health. Together with co-author Dr. Shelby Harris, they created The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep to give exhausted parents the tools to support their kids’ sleep with confidence, flexibility, and empathy. Their approach is grounded in science—and shaped by real-life parenting. Follow them on Instagram: @essentialkidssleep Key Takeaways: Why this sleep book is different It’s written by clinical psychologists, not influencers—and it combines science, flexibility, and real-world parenting experience. How your child’s daytime behavior impacts nighttime sleep From anxious kids to defiant or ADHD children, the team explains why your child’s personality and emotional regulation during the day matters more than you think at bedtime. The truth about sleep “milestones” You’ll learn why your two-week-old shouldn’t be sleeping through the night, why “wake windows” are often misused, and why transitioning to a toddler bed before age 3 might be setting everyone up to fail. The importance of timing and readiness Parents don’t have to sleep train when they’re already overwhelmed. These experts offer a refreshing take on how to assess if now is the right time—and how to set up for success. What works for toddlers (and what doesn’t) You’ll hear how techniques like the “break method” and “camping out” can be adapted based on your child’s age and developmental stage. How to support anxious or defiant older kids at bedtime The language we use matters. For anxious kids, it's all about reducing pressure and focusing on rest. For defiant or ADHD kids, clear expectations and behavior-based plans are key. The shame-free approach every tired caregiver needs Sleep doesn’t have to be a battleground—or a place for guilt. These authors bring compassion and practicality to every step of the process. 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. L eave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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By asterbenc July 29, 2025
About the Episode: In this eye-opening episode of the Modern Mommy Doc podcast, Dr. Whitney Casares sits down with child sleep experts Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale—two clinical psychologists and co-authors of The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep: A Tired Caregiver’s Workbook for Every Age and Stage (written with Dr. Shelby Harris) . Together, they break down the myths, shame, and unrealistic expectations that surround slee p training and offer compassionate, evidence-based advice that actually meets parents where they are. This episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself, throw out the cookie-cutter advice, and start working with your child’s unique temperament, challenges, and developmental stage—whether that means defiant toddlers, anxious middle-schoolers, or non-sleeping newborns. About Our Guests: Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale are licensed clinical psychologists and moms who specialize in child and adolescent mental health. Together with co-author Dr. Shelby Harris, they created The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep to give exhausted parents the tools to support their kids’ sleep with confidence, flexibility, and empathy. Their approach is grounded in science—and shaped by real-life parenting. Follow them on Instagram: @essentialkidssleep Key Takeaways: Why this sleep book is different It’s written by clinical psychologists, not influencers—and it combines science, flexibility, and real-world parenting experience. How your child’s daytime behavior impacts nighttime sleep From anxious kids to defiant or ADHD children, the team explains why your child’s personality and emotional regulation during the day matters more than you think at bedtime. The truth about sleep “milestones” You’ll learn why your two-week-old shouldn’t be sleeping through the night, why “wake windows” are often misused, and why transitioning to a toddler bed before age 3 might be setting everyone up to fail. The importance of timing and readiness Parents don’t have to sleep train when they’re already overwhelmed. These experts offer a refreshing take on how to assess if now is the right time—and how to set up for success. What works for toddlers (and what doesn’t) You’ll hear how techniques like the “break method” and “camping out” can be adapted based on your child’s age and developmental stage. How to support anxious or defiant older kids at bedtime The language we use matters. For anxious kids, it's all about reducing pressure and focusing on rest. For defiant or ADHD kids, clear expectations and behavior-based plans are key. The shame-free approach every tired caregiver needs Sleep doesn’t have to be a battleground—or a place for guilt. These authors bring compassion and practicality to every step of the process. 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. L eave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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