Now that we’re officially four days into the new year, are you over the resolutions? Yeah, me too.
Don’t worry: I’m not being cynical. I believe in the power and possibility of change. But I also know that real, meaningful change has to be intentional. It takes hard work. And you can’t do it in three easy steps.
That said, the new year is a natural time to recalibrate our lives. As mamas, it seems like we’re always struggling to find that balance between motherhood and life, that sweet spot where we are thriving in our daily lives. So if you’re going to make a resolution this year, I challenge you to focus on this: reclaiming joy.
There are so many people and programs out there that promise to sell us joy. A car, a pair of shoes, a vacation. But Mama, all you have to do is listen to what you tell your own kids: joy and fulfillment are feelings you can only find within yourself.
From Conflicted to Centered
I personally believe that learning how to thrive in motherhood comes back to living a centered life. So many mamas tell me every day that they feel conflicted. Conflicted about work and kids, about finding time to connect with their partners, about meeting the obligations they (or others) have set for themselves. At the end of the day, all that conflict comes from zigzagging between priorities.
Living a centered life, on the other hand, offers a sense of purpose that YOU choose. It minimizes conflict because you have intentionally chosen what to focus on. The little stuff can’t get to you because you’ve either delegated it, assigned it a time and a place to be dealt with, or eliminated it from your life altogether. You are strong, aligned with your goals, and yes, living that best life everybody wants (and so few know how to sustainably achieve).
Center, Breathe, Action!
What does that look like in real life? Just the other day, I was home with my daughters, a rare day off from seeing patients in my practice. I’d love to say that, as our homemade cookies cooled in the kitchen, we were putting the finishing touches on a papier-mâché menagerie of animal figurines that my children would quietly play with all afternoon. But Mama, that’s not my life. That’s not ANYONE’s life.
No, the moment I’m thinking of looked more like this: one of my kids needed help RIGHT THEN to find a piece of her LEGO gingerbread-house kit. The only problem was that her sister was literally on my back, asking me to read her Angelina Ballerina “just one more time.” My mind, meanwhile, was on the calendar invite sitting in my inbox. I’m on the Covid-19 response committee for my office, and my fellow members wanted to move our weekly meetings to 12:15 p.m. on the one weekday I’m not in the office. This would potentially cut into the only hours I have available during the week to press pause on the outside obligations and commitments in my life.
As I tried to deftly shift my attention between my daughters’ immediate needs and said calendar invite, I glanced over at the kitchen. Were there homemade cookies cooling? Nope. But there WAS a heap of dishes waiting to be washed.
Mama, this is real life. Every day, inner conflict threatens to rear its ugly head and, if I let it, steal my joy and presence out from under me.
"I didn’t let it. I won’t let it. That afternoon, I took a deep breath and reminded myself to get centered on what matters most to me."
Finding Your Center
Living a centered life starts with creating a centered vision. This is figuring out what you want your life to look like, realistically, in five years or so. It’s not about creating a game plan, but rather getting at the essence of how you want to live. Sit someplace quiet, close your eyes, and imagine that life. Who are you with? What are you doing? How do you feel?
One of the most effective ways to see just how authentically (or not) you are living your centered life is by taking the following audit my friend and business coach, Christie, shared with me one night over drinks. She spends all day helping business executives navigate high-stakes decisions. But that night, she used a cocktail napkin and years of experience to show me just how out of balance my life was.
She divided life into nine basic categories: kids, partner, work, exercise/wellness, friendships, hobbies/sports, homemaking, travel/experiences, and appearance.
Then she had me do the following:
- Draw two columns on a piece of paper.
- On the left, create an Ideal List of the categories provided above.
- Rank them as you would like to live, not how you think you should. No one else needs to see this list, so be honest.
- On the right, create your Reality List where you rank those same categories as you really live them.
For reference, these are how my lists looked that night:
Balancing Motherhood and Life
Mama, how do your lists look?
That night, I was shocked by what I revealed to myself. But that surprise spurred me on to rethink my life. It guided me toward making the kinds of changes that outlast New Year’s resolutions and quick fixes. That night helped lead me toward becoming a more balanced, more joyful Mama who can find herself in a roomful of LEGOs, dishes, kids, and email and know how to stay calm and present.
My greatest hope is that I can help you get there, too. That’s why I write these blogs. It’s why you’ll find free resources on my website. (Like this guide on reclaiming joy in motherhood.) And it’s why I’m launching a one-day, online retreat this month.
Known as the Centered and Strong Live Retreat, I will offer six hours of live streamed, life-changing experiences. A panel of experts and thought leaders will join me in guiding mamas toward creating their own centered-life blueprints. We will explore how to create meaningful changes, and we will offer opportunities for real-time support from other mamas looking to find that sweet spot between life and joy in motherhood.
Basically, it’s taking years of work, research, and life experience and condensing it into one day of fun, interactive experiences. And it’s all happening January 30.
If you want to learn more about living a centered life — and if you want to have fun doing it — I hope you’ll join us. It’s one day that can change the rest of your life.
