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MAMA WELLNESS

LET’S GET REAL: WHEN THE MOM EVERYONE SEES ISN'T WHO WE REALLY ARE

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

August 9, 2021

LET’S GET REAL: WHEN THE MOM EVERYONE SEES ISN'T WHO WE REALLY ARE

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: MAMA WELLNESS

Co-worker: Hey, good morning! How are you?


What I wanted to say: Well, I’m running on 4 hours of sleep, ate breakfast in the drop-off line at my kid’s school after helping them study for their spelling test by calling out words while I was in the shower, and all morning I’ve been wondering if I my boss was going to be mad when I ask to leave early again to take my kid to the orthodontist.


What I actually said: Great, thanks! How are you?


It’s HARD to let anyone see what’s really going on. We put on our smiles, our “everything's peachy” attitudes, and keep on trucking. Day after day after day.


It’s exhausting. 



Moms are used to building up these walls that reinforce the “I can do it all--and look great doing it!” mentality. We put on masks that don’t let anyone in. That don’t let anyone see who we really are and how we’re really doing. And we don’t take them down for pretty much anyone.


Vulnerability is, well,

vulnerable. It’s scary.

What if someone sees the real me and they reject me? Or thinks what I’m going through isn’t that big of a deal? What if they just think I'm a hot mess?


Being vulnerable allows us to build trust in our relationships, whether it’s with other moms or with our husband. It’s how our relationships grow stronger and build a deeper connection.


But if we’re being honest with ourselves (and I’m totally raising my hand on this one), sometimes we don't even know how to go about it.



What does being vulnerable even mean?


How does someone become vulnerable in a relationship? What would it actually look like?


Becoming vulnerable means making space to be quiet with ourselves.
We need space to be able to get real. What do you REALLY want to be doing 5 years from now? What do you REALLY want to be spending your time on now? What are you ACTUALLY spending your time on? Are those things the same? We’ve got to take a hard look at those answers, but we can’t if we’re not able to quiet our mind enough to find that space.


Becoming vulnerable means being honest with the people around us about how we’re REALLY doing. 
This one is tough. We’ve got to take that mask down that says, “I’ve got this, all the time!” and start letting your inner circle know that, in fact, you don’t got this, most of the time.


Becoming vulnerable means developing a mindful self-compassion practice.
As moms, we’re used to treating ourselves like a mean drill sergeant would: harshly and critically. We’re all already highly-skilled at giving ourselves a hard time when we don’t mother, show up in our work, or show up for ourselves the ways we want to.


Mindful self-compassion is about learning how to encourage ourselves in tough moments with kindness instead of criticism. Make sure you check out our blog next week--we’ll be doing a deep dive into this one!


Mama, how can you take down your mask in just ONE area of your life? Call up that friend you’ve been putting off? Ask for more help at home? Try it in just one area and then watch as it snowballs into the rest.


We’re going to be talking a LOT about this in our brand new Modern Mamas Club-come check it out!


Mama: Stop the Burnout!

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By asterbenc July 29, 2025
About the Episode: In this eye-opening episode of the Modern Mommy Doc podcast, Dr. Whitney Casares sits down with child sleep experts Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale—two clinical psychologists and co-authors of The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep: A Tired Caregiver’s Workbook for Every Age and Stage (written with Dr. Shelby Harris) . Together, they break down the myths, shame, and unrealistic expectations that surround slee p training and offer compassionate, evidence-based advice that actually meets parents where they are. This episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself, throw out the cookie-cutter advice, and start working with your child’s unique temperament, challenges, and developmental stage—whether that means defiant toddlers, anxious middle-schoolers, or non-sleeping newborns. About Our Guests: Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale are licensed clinical psychologists and moms who specialize in child and adolescent mental health. Together with co-author Dr. Shelby Harris, they created The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep to give exhausted parents the tools to support their kids’ sleep with confidence, flexibility, and empathy. Their approach is grounded in science—and shaped by real-life parenting. Follow them on Instagram: @essentialkidssleep Key Takeaways: Why this sleep book is different It’s written by clinical psychologists, not influencers—and it combines science, flexibility, and real-world parenting experience. How your child’s daytime behavior impacts nighttime sleep From anxious kids to defiant or ADHD children, the team explains why your child’s personality and emotional regulation during the day matters more than you think at bedtime. The truth about sleep “milestones” You’ll learn why your two-week-old shouldn’t be sleeping through the night, why “wake windows” are often misused, and why transitioning to a toddler bed before age 3 might be setting everyone up to fail. The importance of timing and readiness Parents don’t have to sleep train when they’re already overwhelmed. These experts offer a refreshing take on how to assess if now is the right time—and how to set up for success. What works for toddlers (and what doesn’t) You’ll hear how techniques like the “break method” and “camping out” can be adapted based on your child’s age and developmental stage. How to support anxious or defiant older kids at bedtime The language we use matters. For anxious kids, it's all about reducing pressure and focusing on rest. For defiant or ADHD kids, clear expectations and behavior-based plans are key. The shame-free approach every tired caregiver needs Sleep doesn’t have to be a battleground—or a place for guilt. These authors bring compassion and practicality to every step of the process. 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. L eave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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ON THE PODCAST


By asterbenc July 29, 2025
About the Episode: In this eye-opening episode of the Modern Mommy Doc podcast, Dr. Whitney Casares sits down with child sleep experts Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale—two clinical psychologists and co-authors of The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep: A Tired Caregiver’s Workbook for Every Age and Stage (written with Dr. Shelby Harris) . Together, they break down the myths, shame, and unrealistic expectations that surround slee p training and offer compassionate, evidence-based advice that actually meets parents where they are. This episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself, throw out the cookie-cutter advice, and start working with your child’s unique temperament, challenges, and developmental stage—whether that means defiant toddlers, anxious middle-schoolers, or non-sleeping newborns. About Our Guests: Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale are licensed clinical psychologists and moms who specialize in child and adolescent mental health. Together with co-author Dr. Shelby Harris, they created The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep to give exhausted parents the tools to support their kids’ sleep with confidence, flexibility, and empathy. Their approach is grounded in science—and shaped by real-life parenting. Follow them on Instagram: @essentialkidssleep Key Takeaways: Why this sleep book is different It’s written by clinical psychologists, not influencers—and it combines science, flexibility, and real-world parenting experience. How your child’s daytime behavior impacts nighttime sleep From anxious kids to defiant or ADHD children, the team explains why your child’s personality and emotional regulation during the day matters more than you think at bedtime. The truth about sleep “milestones” You’ll learn why your two-week-old shouldn’t be sleeping through the night, why “wake windows” are often misused, and why transitioning to a toddler bed before age 3 might be setting everyone up to fail. The importance of timing and readiness Parents don’t have to sleep train when they’re already overwhelmed. These experts offer a refreshing take on how to assess if now is the right time—and how to set up for success. What works for toddlers (and what doesn’t) You’ll hear how techniques like the “break method” and “camping out” can be adapted based on your child’s age and developmental stage. How to support anxious or defiant older kids at bedtime The language we use matters. For anxious kids, it's all about reducing pressure and focusing on rest. For defiant or ADHD kids, clear expectations and behavior-based plans are key. The shame-free approach every tired caregiver needs Sleep doesn’t have to be a battleground—or a place for guilt. These authors bring compassion and practicality to every step of the process. 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. L eave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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