EPISODE Highlights:
We’re going to look at the idea, based on the book from Bessel van der Kolk called “The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Body, and Mind in the Healing of Trauma,” which talks about the price we pay physically and emotionally when we don’t pay attention to our needs, to the core of who we are, to when we need rest, and what matters most to us. The author speaks about how trauma really stays with us in our body until we actually deal with the trauma itself. When he’s talking about trauma, he’s speaking about major trauma like loss of a parent at a young age, a physical violation of your boundaries, or seeing something extremely traumatic in front of you. However, the topics can be applied to both major and minor traumas alike. Trauma not only affects our mind and what and how we think, but our body as well, and how it operates.
The science is clear: you’re more likely to get sick when you’re not taking care of yourself. Stress and headaches go hand in hand. Poor sleep and headaches go hand in hand. The more we work in a way that isn’t balanced and integrated and push ourselves beyond our limits in ways that are unhealthy and don’t take care of ourselves, the more collateral damage we’re doing to our bodies and our stress hormones. And as a result, this requires more work to take care of ourselves because of all the stress.
As women, sometimes we have to unlearn a lot of the “grind” because we end up behaving in ways that aren’t healthy in order to prove to others (and sometimes ourselves) that we deserve to have a spot at the table. Or that we’re smart enough. Or hard working enough. And it creates more stress, which creates more unhealth, and then we work to overcompensate for that, and the cycle goes on and on.
When you think about how you want to spend your time, think about your vision for your life. What are your goals? Not just your KPIs in your business, but what are the priorities that you want to focus on? What do you want it to feel like when you achieve those goals? That you’re connected to your kids? That you’re not stressed about money? That you feel good in your body? That the work you do is meaningful? If those are your goals for 5 years from now, how can you make decisions now that align with that? Whatever you’re practicing now will be what you’re experiencing in 5 years.
Let’s break down the science of how and why our bodies “keep score.” We all know that stress is a part of life and a certain amount of it is actually good. It keeps us rolling and making decisions rather than just being so relaxed that we don’t feel the need or pressure to move the needle. It’s the tipping point that is the problem. As you worry and have stress, a chemical is built up in your body called cortisol. And cortisol is a part of the “fight or flight” response in your body that gears you up to respond physically to a problem or run away. That’s why you feel physical reactions when you’re stressed: rapid heart rate, nausea, headaches, stomach aches, etc. And cortisol signals your body to release glucose because your muscles need sugar in order to have energy to operate. And then when the threat is over, your cortisol levels go back down. So in small instances, cortisol is actually extremely helpful for your body. But if your levels remain high all the time and your body is just constantly producing sugar and your vessels remain constricted because you’re stressed, it’s terrible from a physiological standpoint. It leads to all the symptoms we mentioned earlier: headaches, stomach aches (we see this all the time in anxious kids!), sleeplessness, etc… If cortisol levels remain high, you’re constantly in threat mode and the body and mind start to operate in ways that we don’t want it to.
What can you do? First, come back to your priorities. We call it your
Centered Vision at Modern Mommy Doc. What are the things that you want to be focusing on in 5 years? Start making actions and decisions towards that now. Second, exercise! Move that energy outside your body and give yourself a way to process those stress hormones. Third, practice mindful self-compassion. Fourth, choose a schedule that gives you enough white space to be able to take care of yourself. You deserve to live a life that, at the end of it, feels like it meant something.
I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.