Learning to love your life even when it’s completely different than what you originally thought it might be like can be tricky, but is incredibly worth working through. This week, Dr. Whitney looks at how the idea of radical acceptance can change not only how you feel about your circumstances, but also room to manage those feelings as well.
Key takeaways:
- Radical acceptance is a scientifically researched component of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) that psychologists use all the time. It means recognizing your emotional or physical stress (could be really small issues ranging to something major) and wholeheartedly practicing acceptance. It’s different than just deciding the things in our lives are bad and “living with it.” When we accept the things going on, it actually helps us to manage and deal with our emotions about the circumstances so that we can move forward and NOT feel bad all the time.
- Radical acceptance surrounding my daughter’s diagnosis of autism is one of the most fundamental shifts in my thinking that I made about 3 years ago that really allowed me a lot of freedom and made it so I wasn’t so miserable all the time.
- Real life example: my family had the opportunity to go to Hamilton and things totally went awry as getting ready to go. My oldest was hesitant on whether or not she wanted to go and my daughter had a (non-COVID) cough that I knew was going to get us all the stares in the theater. I could see my husband starting to get anxious about the whole situation, but we had to decide on something together: no matter what happened, we were gonna be okay. We knew it was not going to be perfect, and that was okay.
- How many times have things not gone the way you want them to on a family vacation? How many times has your kid not acted the way you want them to on a playdate? That you’re not able to have as much free time that you want? That you were wistful for how you wish life could be–instead of really leaning into the reality of what your life can be? Instead of constantly trying to make things “better” or “normal” you can use mindful self-compassion to get real with your feelings surrounding the situation.
- The more you fight your actual circumstances, the harder you make it on yourself. On the flip side, the more you lean into accepting the circumstances of your life and asking yourself what you need in reaction to that, the happier and more at peace you’ll be on the other side.
If you can get to a place where you can say, “Okay, this is my life. This is what’s happening. Now what?” you’re going to be much less reactive and more responsive to your kiddos’, family’s, and your own needs. You’ll be more effective at recognizing moments where you need to take a step back and tag someone else in.
Stop fighting against the reality of your life and start accepting that it’s amazing and beautiful, even if it looks entirely different than what you originally thought.
About the Episode: In this eye-opening episode of the Modern Mommy Doc podcast, Dr. Whitney Casares sits down with child sleep experts Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale—two clinical psychologists and co-authors of The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep: A Tired Caregiver’s Workbook for Every Age and Stage (written with Dr. Shelby Harris) . Together, they break down the myths, shame, and unrealistic expectations that surround slee p training and offer compassionate, evidence-based advice that actually meets parents where they are. This episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself, throw out the cookie-cutter advice, and start working with your child’s unique temperament, challenges, and developmental stage—whether that means defiant toddlers, anxious middle-schoolers, or non-sleeping newborns. About Our Guests: Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale are licensed clinical psychologists and moms who specialize in child and adolescent mental health. Together with co-author Dr. Shelby Harris, they created The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep to give exhausted parents the tools to support their kids’ sleep with confidence, flexibility, and empathy. Their approach is grounded in science—and shaped by real-life parenting. Follow them on Instagram: @essentialkidssleep Key Takeaways: Why this sleep book is different It’s written by clinical psychologists, not influencers—and it combines science, flexibility, and real-world parenting experience. How your child’s daytime behavior impacts nighttime sleep From anxious kids to defiant or ADHD children, the team explains why your child’s personality and emotional regulation during the day matters more than you think at bedtime. The truth about sleep “milestones” You’ll learn why your two-week-old shouldn’t be sleeping through the night, why “wake windows” are often misused, and why transitioning to a toddler bed before age 3 might be setting everyone up to fail. The importance of timing and readiness Parents don’t have to sleep train when they’re already overwhelmed. These experts offer a refreshing take on how to assess if now is the right time—and how to set up for success. What works for toddlers (and what doesn’t) You’ll hear how techniques like the “break method” and “camping out” can be adapted based on your child’s age and developmental stage. How to support anxious or defiant older kids at bedtime The language we use matters. For anxious kids, it's all about reducing pressure and focusing on rest. For defiant or ADHD kids, clear expectations and behavior-based plans are key. The shame-free approach every tired caregiver needs Sleep doesn’t have to be a battleground—or a place for guilt. These authors bring compassion and practicality to every step of the process. 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. L eave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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