We’re mid-September now, with kids back in school for a few weeks. Probably at that point where our Pinterest perfect lunches might have morphed into sending those multi-colored Goldfish in order to get our kids to “eat the rainbow.” That counts, right?

Every year I feel the same cycle. By the time May rolls around, I am SO ready to be done with early mornings rushing out the door, with reading logs, and last minute projects where we have to find 15-20 pictures of our family by tomorrow (cool, I’ll just go ahead and go buy ink AND paper for my printer that hasn’t seen any action in the last 18 months. $165 later, we’re in business.)

I can’t wait to have slower days and more times with my kids.

And then I remember that I’m a working mom and have a job to do. And that my kids aren’t going to be cool with my Summer Reading Plan that I printed out (now that I have a working printer) as a means for summer fun. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my girls. But I’m never more grateful for teachers than I am 2 weeks into summer break.

I look at all the insta-moms that have their videos of just gentle parenting their way through life and I feel guilty for not holding every moment as precious time. And then I’m reminded that we won’t have this time forever. So then I wallow in MEGA guilt, which means I’m less productive at work, because I’m trying to be Fun Mom whenever I’m home. Which leads to more guilt because I think I should be doing more work.

And then the cycle continues every summer until I die or my girls go to college.

Is this how summer is supposed to feel? Is this how our moms felt each year? Like they were so glad for it to come while simultaneously dreading it? 

Maybe, but I think it had to be different than what we’re feeling right now. I heard something the other day about parenting and giving your kids grace: you were never their age in this age. So we can’t know exactly how they’re feeling. I think the same can be said for parenting. We’ve gotta give ourselves grace for not parenting like our parents (the good and the bad) because they never parented in our same situation.

Here’s what I’m taking away from this past summer, what I’m bringing with me into next, and what I’m leaving behind.

Leaving Behind: Guilt about screen time

Should you just let your kids’ entire summer be a free-for-all when it comes to screens? Probably not. Will the 10 weeks of summer with cough::much::cough looser rules about screen time kill them? Take it from a pediatrician: No, no it will not. 

For years, I felt guilty knowing that while I worked, they were watching a show or a movie (or two!) And I definitely sprinkle in times where there’s no screens. But kids need time to zone out, just like we do. They need to have a safe space where they don’t have expectations put on them to always be DOING something.

Plus, there’s definitely a difference between watching hours of Netflix (which I actually secretly love) and watching a Youtube video that teaches them to draw their favorite character. Or a nature show on Disney.

Oh, you just learned that a platypus is a mammal that lays eggs? DEAL. I’ll take that all day long.

Leaving Behind: Feeling the need to entertain my kids 24/7

Fun Mom can trap us all. Sure, let’s go to the zoo and then lunch and then grab ice cream at that little boutique place. And then we can go to the trampoline park and grab pizza on the way home. FUN MOM. Except that you’ve just spent $250 and your entire budget for entertainment is dooooone for the month. Oh, and Fun Mom has left the building and been replaced by Whined At All Day When She’s Trying To Make Memories With Her Kids, Overstimulated From All The Noise Mom.

And don’t get me started on summer camps. First of all, they’re a bajillion dollars. Per day. Per kid. Plus you’re still packing lunches, trying to get them out the door on time, and have to pick them up in the most inconvenient times and places. Which is what you were looking forward to being done with over the summer.

AAAAAND you have to sign up and know your entire summer itinerary by February 17th. Or you're stuck sending your kid to geologist camp (which sounds pretty great, by the way) when they really wanted to go to theater camp.

I’m over it.

One. That’s how many camps I will let my girls choose each summer. I refuse to go into debt for my kids' entertainment. And it’s not worth it if they’re going to be burnt out messes by the end of the week–and me too.

They can be bored over the summer for a little bit. That’s okay. That’s actually a great thing.

Taking With Me: More grace for myself and all the other moms out there

I’m not saying we just throw in the towel and accept the fate of feral children for 10 weeks. But I’m not allowing myself to feel like crap for being a working mom. Do dads feel guilty when they have to go to work? Not that I’ve heard. Do they feel guilty running through the drive-thru because they didn’t have time to go grocery shopping? Hard no.

Everyone feels the guilt of summer not being a magical experience with your kids. And guess what, even if you had the time and money to make that kind of thing happen every moment of the summer, your kids would eventually revolt and be over it. 

I had friends who took their kids to Europe this summer for an INCREDIBLE trip, jam packed with so much history and culture. By the time they got to the Sistine Chapel, the kids were like, “Cool. A painting. Just like the other 973 that we saw today.” And were done in 4 minutes. Mom and dad ended up watching a documentary about it back at the hotel room, 10 minutes down the road from the actual thing itself.

Kids are gonna kid and life is gonna life.

All we can do is give ourselves some mindful self-compassion knowing we’re doing our best with what we’ve got in that moment.

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